So when did this seeming innocent diversion become so dangerous? That's the subject of this three part series. Commonly called social networking, this communications craze is something you hear about in the media almost every day and if you don't know much about it, it's time for you to catch up. So what exactly is social networking and what can you do to protect a child who is compelled to participate?

Social Networking Sites

If you really want to understand social networking, you need to dive right in and go sign up online to try it for yourself. Sites such as MySpace, Facebook, Xanga, Bebo, and Friendster attract tweens, teens, and young adults by offering a free space online - essentially a web page - where they can go to post information about themselves and interact with others. Although young people appreciate these sites as special places to gather with friends, all is not as innocent as it appears on the surface as social networking poses particular problems related to online safety.

You'll be amazed at how easy it is to sign up for these sites. When I did it, I only had trouble with one. It asked for a school or university email address, but because the school address I used was from a school that has blocked all social networking sites (not unusual for a pre-college school trying to cut down on this kind of traffic during a school day) I couldn't get in.

Signing up for the rest of the sites was a breeze. All I needed to get launched into the social whirl was to provide some basic information, including my email address and my year of birth.  Some sites have minimum age requirements, but since there is no way to check (and like the underage kids I didn't want to get rejected), I just said I was twenty (which I'm definitely not, but was once), and was instantly given a free membership.

Most social networking sites are designed for people 13 to 16 and older. Your children who fall under the minimum age requirements should not be allowed to join, but only you can monitor this. (MySpace is attempting to verify ages by checking postings, but the system is only just starting and considering the millions of users, this may be a Herculean task.) Although these sites specify that registrants must be of a certain age, your children, just as I did, can enter any age they want when registering for membership. And even if your children are of the correct age to become a member of a site, chances are that they'll say they are several years older, which isn't a smart idea because they may not be able to handle the attention they attract from people who see their postings and take them at face value.

On the sites I could access, I browsed the content and found statements called Terms of Use, which indicated rules that users are supposed to follow on the site. Some sites had additional safety suggestions and two that I checked provided information from Internet Safety lawyer Parry Aftab.  Kids, however, will probably never deign to go to these areas of the social networking sites-not unless their parents go there with them.

Each time I signed up for a site, I immediately got my own place online that I could fill with text, pictures videos and my answers to sometimes provocative questionnaires. It's to these personal spaces, called profiles or webpages, that kids head first. It wouldn't even occur to most kids to look at the safety rules as most are "positive" that these sites are safe places for them to deposit personal information and interact with peers. Many truly believe that people other than good friends, cannot access their special place. There are seemingly ways to make what they post "private", but with all the linking that goes on among the profiles, the false presentation of ages, and kids' lack of attention to security, there's a good chance that your children's information, or at least part of it, is available to those - "potential" friends and strangers alike- who want to see it. There's also a good chance that your children are posting personal information - things that they don't even think of as personal information- for the world to see.

As one young high school girl condescendingly told a school administrator friend of mine, "My page is private. Nobody but a few close friends can get in to see it." You can imagine the young woman's consternation when after a mere ten minutes of signing up cold for the site, my friend was able to find the student's page, note that she had magically "aged" two years, and post a cryptic comment to that effect. When the administrator described the student's page to her, all she could say in her defense was, "I really thought I'd set it to be private."

On their webpages or profiles, your children can post photos of themselves and friends, add information about their lives, and make links to their friends' pages, etc. Usually they'll take great pride in their profiles or webpages. Some of these pages open with music and are decorated beautifully with artwork and designs. Many that I browsed contained content that was quite innocent although I knew that some of the ages (friends of my son) were incorrect.

I didn't leave my footprint on any of these sites by creating my own profile, as I'm not much interested in being twenty anymore (although there are moments), and you probably won't be interested in creating a page about yourself either. Your children, however, are eager to do it, for they want to show others what they can do, how they feel, what their favorite music is, how they look in the latest fashion, that they won a sports championship, and more. They love to show off their friends in text and photos and provide links to all of them. -And some kids, maybe not yours (but honestly, you may be surprised, so check), may use their page to make fun of others, to post pictures that are inappropriate and content that is untrue or hateful, and to display themselves to the whole world through text, photos, and perhaps even short videos engaged in activities or language that you certainly would not approve of or that is just downright inappropriate.

Another thing to keep in mind is that while your children may post information that follows the rules set forth in the Terms of Use and the rules you set for their Internet use, not everyone on these sites will be posting content and photos of the same ilk. As I browsed some of the profiles/webpages, I found some that were certainly quite raw and unpleasant. Your children, like me, will also surf and undoubtedly come upon pages of others that contain information, photos and language of a highly inappropriate nature. Remember, it's not just kids your children's age who are members of these sites. The sites are filled with pages designed by college students, young adults, and anyone else, including child predators, who want to join and have nothing standing in their way of appearing any way they want.

Some of the pages contain photos that make young teens look older, sexier, or macho, and many also contain personal information that should not be posted on the Web. It's from these pages that young people online learn about each other and meet others they know only through online connections. While online they enjoy messaging each other and having fun with 'kids' they think are their age. If they've only met these 'kids' online, of course, they have no idea who they really are. You'll find that they think they know them well. Consider this true story a colleague of mine often tells:

I was talking with a boy who's a junior at our school. Knowing that I am always interested in use of technology, he told me that he was spending a lot of time IMing and emailing and that he'd found a girlfriend online.

"She goes to (he named a prestigious university), she on the Dean's List, and she's a cheerleader. You should see her photo."

I asked him what he told the girl about himself.

"Oh," he said reddening a bit, "I couldn't tell her I was still in high school, so I told her I went to (another prestigious university) and played lacrosse."

I responded by asking him "Considering that you didn't tell her the truth, do you think she is telling you the truth?"

"She wouldn't lie to me," the boy said. I could tell from the look on his face that he truly believed that.

The Social Whirl and Its Dangers

As a parent you need to realize that social networking is part of your children's world and forbidding them from this interaction is not going to stop them from seeking opportunities to do it some place other than home. It's "the" thing to do now-a-days, and in many ways it's like gathering at someone's home, in a fast food restaurant, or talking on a cell phone or text messaging with friends. But, like other things in your child's life such as going to the mall, meeting friends at a party, etc. it can be dangerous. The dangers include:

• Being exposed to content that may be provocative, racist, vulgar, or worse.
• Posting information (such as school names, sports teams, etc.) that would allow online predators to find your children or their friends.
• Interacting with those they don't actually know and thinking of these people as good friends.
• Becoming a target of an online bully (cyberbully).
• Getting in trouble at school, with classmates, and elsewhere because they've posted false or abusive information about people or organizations.
• Damaging their reputation by posting content (even if it is supposed to be a joke among friends) about illegal acts such as underage drinking or drug abuse or information that could be considered racist, lewd, or violent. Once it is up online it becomes public and can be reviewed by potential employers or colleges.

So, what's a good parent to do?