Before Your Children Sign Up for a Social Networking Site (But Read This Anyway Even if They Have Already Signed Up)

Okay, I understand that you may be tackling this topic after your children have signed up on a social networking site, but that doesn't mean you still can't do something about it. Kids are always going to be ahead of adults when it comes to the latest craze and that certainly is what social networking is. Here are some ways to "batten down the hatches" now that the storm is upon us:

Check out the social networking site your children are interested in. Register yourself for the site and take a good look at it. Browse the site so that you'll know what's on it. If the site has a section where you can select the school your children attend, take a close look at that part. In it you may find information posted by your children's friends. Notice the photos on the site, the language and music being posted (some of the poll questions are quite revealing), areas for rating photos, blogs, etc. Remember these because you'll want to discuss them with your children later.

Read and understand the site's Terms of Acceptable Use.
Social networking sites are sure to have a section called Terms of Use, Terms of Acceptable Use, etc. It's important that you read these documents, which contain information about what is allowed on the site and remember what they say. These may become your "big brother is watching" ally in getting your children to tone down what's presented on their page on the site - in other words, it's not just you who thinks what is there is inappropriate.

Create online behavior rules with your children. Review parts of the site's Terms of Use that relate to their actions online. Some social networking sites have safety tips; these are great to review with your children as they are sure not to have read them before they plunged in. Use these documents to work with your children to come up with rules (relating to safety and proper online etiquette) they must follow if they want to be involved in social networking. You can get help with rules by visiting sites such as WiredSafety, GetNetWise and Family Internet.

Be sure to include these ideas or a variation of them in your rules: Give your correct age when signing up; never give out personal information such as your last name, parents' names, your address, telephone number, school, sports teams, or other identifying information; do not give out personal information about your friends or provide links to them; do not post photos that make you look like someone your aren't; don't give out your password; don't select a screen name that will give others the wrong impression; don't post content that includes sexual, violent, crude or illegal acts committed by yourself, friends, or others you may or may not know personally; don't lie about yourself; don't encourage anyone who seems to be sexually soliciting you; tell your parents if anything that happens makes you feel uncomfortable; realize that those you interact with online may not be who they claim to be; never plan to meet anyone you've met online unless your parents go with you (NOTE: Bringing a parent along does NOT necessarily make it safe to meet a stranger); be polite and respectful to all you encounter online; don't stand by or encourage the harassment of others; realize that what you post isn't private; don't post anything you wouldn't want your parents, coaches, teachers, future employers or college admissions officers to see; and realize that it's your parent's job and your job to keep you safe online.

Decide how much time your children may spend online and when can they go online. Keep in mind that it's not a good idea for your children to be online late at night or to spend too much of their leisure time 'talking' to friends via a digital device. No matter what you decide upon, be prepared for a hard time when you try to enforce limits to their time on the site. Social networking can be very addictive.

Help your children pick a suitable screen name and a smart password. Your children may think it's cool to have macho or sexy screen names. A provocative screen name, drawing on sexual innuendo or that is lewd, racist or abusive, can invite unwanted attention or harassment. Have them create a password that includes letters and numbers and is one that their friends won't be able to figure out. Make it clear that passwords may not be given to anyone, even to those they consider their closest friends. Your children should understand that once a password gets out, others can use their account as they wish.

Check out software tools that will help you filter and monitor what your children do online. These will be discussed in Part 3 of this series.

Let your children know that their safety is their responsibility, too. Talk with them about using common sense when it comes to posting information and interacting with others online. Tell your kids that if they feel uncomfortable with anything that's happening to them on a social networking site, they must tell you about it immediately. Then you can record and report the issue to the officials at the website if necessary.

After They Sign Up

Place the computer in an area where it can be easily monitored. Put the computer in a family spot where you can see what they are doing. If their computer is, however, in a place you can't easily monitor, find excuses to stop by (i.e. dropping off a snack or some laundry) to see how everything is going.  They may not like it, but it's the best way to assist them in keeping themselves safe.

Take an interest in what your children are doing on the site. Talk to them about their profile or Webpage, whom they are interacting with, and how things are going on the site.

Reinforce the rules that were set up. Continue to emphasize that the rules must be followed. Some rules like those about giving out personal information such as telephone number, school, sports teams, where they like to hang out, etc. and never agreeing to meet anyone they've met online bear repeating.

Take away Internet access if the rules aren't followed. Don't give in if you children beg you not to punish them for violation of online rules. They should understand that if they do not follow the rules, their time on the Internet (except for monitored homework) will be taken away for a significant period of time.

Remind your children about postings that can damage their reputation or get them in trouble with the police. Insist that your children carefully consider what they publish online for all the world to see. If they post false information about others or their school; if they show themselves or friends involved in illegal acts such as underage drinking or drug use; if they engage in threatening or harassing behavior; if their profile/Webpage contains crude racist, vulgar language, etc. their postings could come back even years later to haunt them and their families.

Help your children to be aware of cyberbullies.  If your children complain about others on the site who are teasing them, threatening them, posting nasty information about them, etc., work with your children to save evidence of bullying. Report bullying to the site officials.

Realize that your children could be cyberbullies.  If your children are cyberbullies, you'll probably learn about it when the angry parents of the bullied child call you or after they call school officials. If they are bullying taking away Internet privileges for an extended period of time (except for monitored schoolwork) is often a good idea along with having your children make apologies and compensation to those who were hurt by their behavior. Realize that if the bullying is serious, law enforcement agencies may become involved.

Keep your children from being falsely accused of being a cyberbully. Help your children to understand that if they let others know their passwords and user names someone can use this information to post inappropriate information or send nasty email that will look like it comes from them. (For additional information on cyberbullying, see the Internet Smarts section of this site.)

Check your children's profiles Talk with your children about their profiles and ask them show them to you. If you'd rather look at the profiles on your own, you can sign up for the social networking site yourself and then search for your children by using their email address or by the name of their school. If you find information in the profile that violates the site's Terms of Use and/or contains false information, talk with your children about this letting them know that it must be removed or contact the site staff to have them remove it.

Consider whether your children are too involved with interaction on the social networking site. Even though you've limited time your children spend on the site, you may be concerned that the site seems to be their main interest. Although you should understand that social networking will be important to your children, they should have other interests as well. You don't want them turning to people they don't know for friendship they may be missing at school and in the neighborhood.

Keep up an on-going conversation with your children about their time on the social network. One of the best ways to keep your children safe is to talk with them about what they are doing on the social networking site. Encourage them to share their experiences with you and to let you know what they are enjoying about the experience. Your on-going conversation will also open doors for them to tell you about unpleasant experiences they may be facing on the site.

Remember - you don't have to be a technology whiz to understand what's going on with social networking. Don't be blindsided by your children's technical expertise when it comes to using these sites to communicate. What is good, decent, and in good taste hasn't changed just because it has moved onto the computer. If anything, now that literally the whole world has access to what anyone posts, that kind of "wisdom" is even more important.

Resources

WiredSafety
http://www.wiredsafety.org

GetNetWise
http://www.getnetwise.org

Family Internet
http://familyinternet.about.com/library/weekly/aa122198.htm

Don't Believe the Type
A new feature (April 2006) for teens on social networking on the cypertipline.com site.
http://tcs.cybertipline.com/knowthedangers7.htm

Testing the Bounds of MySpace
In this April 8, 2006 eye-opening article from the Los Angeles Times a mother describes her experiences with her own 13 year old daughter and social networking.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-myspace
8apr08,0,7120443.story?coll=la-home-headlines

A MySpace Cheat Sheet for Parents
This February 27,2006 article from Wired magazine presents a set of FAQs for parents about MySpace.
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,70287-0.html